The Auntie Doris Years: 1989

The Russians were no longer our enemies. Thanks to president Gorbachev, the had all come to their ruddy senses, and decided to dress in ruddy designer jeans and eat McDonalds hamburgers like the rest of the developed world. They wanted to melt down their ploughshares and make chains of consumerism out of them. The Berlin Wall came down. The Cold War was over. Things were so got that our Cyril and April May went on a package holiday to Moscow that was advertised in the local paper. They saw Red Square and the Kremlin and everything, and came home with some little miniature bottles of vodka and a couple of furry hats.
People didn’t just think that Communism didn’t work. They drew the conclusion that the whole idea of Socialism was a non starter an’all. Capitalism had won. Greed had been proven to be the strongest political force. Equality is for weaklings! We have to show how better than everyone else we are by buying more and more things. Paying over the odds for them, showing off with them. Getting rid of them, and buying better ruddy things to replace them.
But how would we know what to buy? By watching more television channels with more ruddy adverts on them, that’s how! Another big development of 1989 was the introduction of Sky Television, by that level headed believer in equality, Rupert Ruddy Murdoch! We used to call the television the idiot box, because when ITV started in 1955 they started using it to sell things to gullible idiots. But there was still the BBC after they added Channel 4 in 1982, there was still two BBC channels. But then Sky Television came out in ’89, and ever since then the BBC has been attacked by the ruddy Tories as some sort of last vestige of Communism. Because they don’t do adverts, because there’s no profit in it.
Every year since there have been more ruddy channels, showing more ruddy nonsense, and more ruddy adverts. Less “to educate and inform” and more “to sit in the corner and entice you to buy things you don’t ruddy need or want.
You could spot the gullible people after 1989, because they all had dustbin lid satellite dishes stuck to the sides of their houses. Everyone has one nowadays. It’s like invasion of the body snatchers. Even them who stuck with the BBC are having their brains sucked out by Clarkson and his ilk. Thank god for the ruddy internet, and people like me who can still talk sense.
Any Road…The world was different with the Russians as our friends. We need someone else to have as our enemies. Thank The Good Lord for Ayatollah Khomeni, with his ruddy silly Fatwa on Salmon Rushdie or whatever his name was. No-one had ever really heard of Islamic Fundamentalism before that particular episode. But after that, it was clear who we should spend our money keeping in check. The ruddy Muslims! Never mind that Islam is a mainly peaceable religion that has existed for over 1400 years. That doesn’t matter any more than the fact that socialism is all about equality. People who believe such things are clearly dangerous. Because they attack the concept of greed, which has been proven to be the best system ever.
Do you know what. I think that I might have overdone the sherry. Better get on with….
Auntie Doris’s Tip Top Pip Pop Hit of 1979: I’m sorry. But there just wasn’t any good music in 1989 as far as I was concerned. Of course, Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers did something with Glenn Miller’s music when they brought out that “Swing the Mood” but it was nothing like Glenn in the 40s. It just reminded me of how much the world had changed and made me feel miserable.