One Lovely Blog

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So, Reenie Denver nominated me for this “One Lovely Blog Award” malarkey. I reckon that she is only trying to get around me because I called her a hussy, but I speak as I find, and her blog “Literary Mind Lust” reminds me of those ruddy magazines that my Raymond used to hide in his shed. He thought I didn’t know about them, more fool him. Filthy so and so.  Still, thanks where thanks are due… Thank you Reenie!

Any road: there are apparently rules to this lark….
A nominated blogger doesn’t have to accept the award, but if they do, they should…
1) link back to the person who nominated them
2) list these rules and display their award
3) share seven facts about themselves
4) choose some indeterminate number of blogs to nominate .

So here are seven facts about me…

1) I never believed in life after death when I was alive
2) You don’t need your glasses when you are dead, but if you manifest yourself in the realm of the living through someone who wears glasses, then you will need their glasses.
3) If you manifest yourself in the realm of the living through someone who has toothache, you will experience the toothache all through the manifestation.
4) The same goes for an itchy arsehole.
5) I am convinced that I am “better off dead.” Not that I had a particularly miserable life. It’s just that on the other side it’s ruddy marvellous.
6) Having said that, I don’t hold with people topping themselves. Bad times never last forever, and the pleasures of the afterlife are always going to be there, so you aren’t going to miss them.
7) I have always been happy with the way I look. I’m no ruddy oil painting, but I suit me, and I’m the one that counts.

And here are some blogs that I always look forward to reading

Red’s Wrap. Jan is an inspiration… She writes ruddy marvellous and honest stories about her family, and plenty else besides
Must be This Tall to Ride. Matt is a lovely man, who understands that all men are a bit soft in the head. I think that he is a bit hard on himself though.. Maybe a few sessions with Reenie Denver would sort him out.
Cabbage and Semolina. Cathy used to be a headmistress, so she must have something about her.. her blog has some lovely stories about her childhood in the 1950s.
Gotta Find a Home. Dennis talks to homeless folk and writes about it in his blog. He is a lovely person, as are the people he talks to.
Storytime with John. John is a primary School Teacher. Maybe Cathy used to be his boss? He writes lovely, funny, self depreciating stories.

There are plenty of other blogs that I enjoy, but right now, these are my top five. If you aren’t in the list, sorry. Maybe I will write about you some other time. My head is spinning right now from the business of adding all these links!

Auntie Doris’s New Years Revolutions #2 Make Friends and Influence People!

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I have got more friends now that I am dead than I ever had when I was alive. This physical manifestation lark is great fun. I wish that I had got into it earlier. Never mind though, you are dead a ruddy long time, so I suppose that you can manifest yourself for a ruddy long time as well, as long as people are interested. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be one of those poor buggers who go around moaning, rattling their chains and walking through walls and stuff, with people having to ring up the vicar to come and get rid of you.

I like this Blogging lark as well. All I have to do is manifest myself through our Michaels fingers and he does the rest. Although why he has to wear tights while he does it, I don’t know. Then again, I don’t really care what he wears as long as he pours me a sherry before we get cracking.

So. You want to make friends and influence people, but you don’t want to die in order to do so, like I did. Well then, You could always learn yourself how to do the tarot cards. People always like having their fortunes told, and obviously whilst you are telling them, you can influence them all you fancy. It comes with the territory. I can teach you how to do the Tarot easy. Its a load of palaver anyway. Just read my guide to the Tarot on here every Sunday night and you will know how to do it backwards by this time next year… ish.

If you can’t wait that long, look back at the guide to the zodiac that I did earlier. Doing peoples horoscopes is equally alluring to potential friends and gives you just as much opportunity to influence them and meddle in their lives. It is also just as big a pile of horse shite as the tarot cards are. Same with teabag reading, feeling the lumps on people’s heads, or the crystal ball. You never thought there was any truth in any of it did you? Look at that Russell Grant or that Mystic Meg and tell me that they aren’t ridiculous twaddle mongers.

(If you are going to go in for the Crystal Ball though, make sure you have a good strong crystal ball bag. You don’t want to drop one of those on your laminate flooring. They shatter into a billion fragments and you can never walk around the house in bare feet again).

It’s all good fun, but do you really want to influence people that much?

Auntie’s alternative revolution: Why not settle for just making friends? Spend time with people, be nice, listen to what they have to say, and buy them a drink now and again. (I’m rather fond of sherry by the way).