Auntie Doris’s Tarot Card of the Week #54: The King of Swords – 10th- 16thNovember 2014

“Don’t go looking at me with that face, waving that ruddy thing about”

Those are the words that come to mind when I see the king of Swords. Look at that expression on his face. “Why so serious?”

I’m not fond of swords. I’m not fond of weaponry really. Besides. I am a great believer in the old adage “The spoon is mightier than the sword” Look at him in the card again. Imagine if, instead of waving that sword around, he was holding a spoon, and steadying a bowl of kellogs on his lap with his other hand. “Little Golden Flakes of Sunshine.” He wouldn’t have that serious look on his face then. He would be licking his ruddy lips and tucking in. And if anyone came to pinch his breakfast he could smack them on the head with the spoon. which is a much better way of dealing with an enemy than running them through with a sword. Thats such a final method. with the spoon method, the only side effects are a headache and a comedy lump on the bonce. both of which the victim might recover from, and go on to become an ally in the future. Trust me, his wife and kids will thank you for not spilling his blood all over the shop. and besides, if any got on your kellogs, you wouldn’t want to be eating them anyway. Cold milk and sugar, yes. Hot blood, No!

Of course, an even more effective way of dealing with someone who came to steal your breakfast woud be to get them to pull up a chair and give them a bowl of their own. Its not as if cornflakes are all that expensive now, is it. They do those family sized boxes these days, they are ruddy enormous. I dont know how much they contain, because its all in those metric weight things, but I bet there is at least a pind of kellogs in them, and what with individual kellogs being relatively light, thats a lot of sunshine goodness!

The trouble is, when you have your breakfast on a massive stone chair outdoors in the middle of ruddy nowhere, its a bit difficult to offer anyone the chance to come and sit down with you. he could shuffle up a bit I suppose, but then he and his new companion would only have one cheek each on the throne. Or alternatively they could sit back to back, but that wouldn’t be very friendly.

No. I think the best idea would be for him to get down onff the throne and sit on the grass. He could take that purple cloask off and spread it out like a blanket. then they could sit together peacably and happily, like equals. And the next time they met, the would be theif might bring some different cerial. Maybe special K with real fruit pieces, or those little pillow things with chocolate sauce in the middle.

Its suprising what might happen when you put down your weapon and smile.

Four things that you might do this week. (i) Change your breakfast cereal. It might feel a bit funny at first, but it will mean that you start the day differently, and it might change the way you are. Bring a sense of adventure to your life. (ii) Do something nice for someone you don’t like, or someone that you think doesn’t like you. You might discover that they are nicer than you thought. They will certainly be suprised, and might do something nice for you in return. I’m not suggesting something massive, like paying off their ruddy mortgage, but it wouldn’t hurt to give them a fruit pastille, or a tube of fruit pastilles. (iii) Smile a lot. Say good morning to people, iven if you dont like the look of them. Particularly if you don’t like the look of them (but only in the mornings.) (iv) We all know that swords are not as mighty as we thought that they were. But have a think on this… Which is mightier: the spoon or the pen? I would be more than happy t read your thoughts in the comments below. No really.