Jeanine was better known as “The Singing Nun” or “Sister Smile.” She was a Belgian lass, she was really a nun, and she had an international pop hit when she was 30 in 1963 with a happy sounding song called “Dominique.”
Imagine that! A ruddy nun in the hit parade, and it wasn’t Julie Andrews! She was a proper Catholic Nun who believed (as they do) that she was married to Jesus.
She got really famous really quickly and toured the ruddy world, doing concerts and going on the television all over the place. The famous actress, Debbie Reynolds out of “Debbie Does Dallas” even portrayed her in one of them Hollywood Movies.
But at the heart of her story was a tragedy. She was one of them Lesbians. Not that I’ve got anything against lesbians you understand. As far as I’m concerned, good luck to them. If you are a lesbian you are much less likely to end up living with a useless lump like my Raymond, and that can’t be a bad thing. I would have been one myself, but I just couldn’t develop those sort of feelings. I would have rather stroked my Hairy Mary than got that friendly with another woman. Come to think of it, by the time I got my Hairy Mary, I would much rather have stroked her than got that friendly with my Raymond. She was a lovely little Doggie. I was ruddy apoplectic when he went and trod on her getting out of bed that morning. I never had another companion like her until after he had died and I got Madamoiselle Tuppence.
Any road it was bad enough being a pop star when you was a Catholic Nun. Never mind if you found out you were a lesbian an’all. So she had to leave the Nunnery.
The trouble was that she had given all her pop music money to the other nuns. Probably so they could mend the nunnery roof, or buy some new wimples or something. So she was skint.
The further trouble was that the Belgian Government didn’t believe her, and decided that she owed them thousands and thousands of Belgian pounds in tax. And they got increasingly grumpy with her when she couldn’t pay up.
It wasn’t as if she was living in luxury either. Her and her girlfriend were just about making ends meet, and seeing as they were still religious and kind hearted, they were trying to run a school for autistic children an’all. They had hearts of gold.
But the government weren’t having any nonsense. It looked like they would be declared bankrupt and have to become paupers for the rest of their days. Even releasing a disco version of “Dominique” didn’t help. She was yesterday’s news, and no one wants to pay good money for a disco version of yesterday’s news. So her and her girlfriend took an overdose of tablets and topped themselves.
Very sad. Religious rules and over zealous tax collectors. Fortunately, Jeanine and her girlfriend are very happy here on the other side. They play concerts together and sing lots of new songs, as well as Dominique. Not that either of them would advise anyone to top themselves though. They even think that things might have turned out a lot better for them in the realm of the living if they hadn’t. Depression is a terrible thing. But most people manage to get through it with help. And people aren’t quite as horrible to lesbians as they used to be. Or Catholics. Most of the time.
The Russians were no longer our enemies. Thanks to president Gorbachev, the had all come to their ruddy senses, and decided to dress in ruddy designer jeans and eat McDonalds hamburgers like the rest of the developed world. They wanted to melt down their ploughshares and make chains of consumerism out of them. The Berlin Wall came down. The Cold War was over. Things were so got that our Cyril and April May went on a package holiday to Moscow that was advertised in the local paper. They saw Red Square and the Kremlin and everything, and came home with some little miniature bottles of vodka and a couple of furry hats.
People didn’t just think that Communism didn’t work. They drew the conclusion that the whole idea of Socialism was a non starter an’all. Capitalism had won. Greed had been proven to be the strongest political force. Equality is for weaklings! We have to show how better than everyone else we are by buying more and more things. Paying over the odds for them, showing off with them. Getting rid of them, and buying better ruddy things to replace them.
But how would we know what to buy? By watching more television channels with more ruddy adverts on them, that’s how! Another big development of 1989 was the introduction of Sky Television, by that level headed believer in equality, Rupert Ruddy Murdoch! We used to call the television the idiot box, because when ITV started in 1955 they started using it to sell things to gullible idiots. But there was still the BBC after they added Channel 4 in 1982, there was still two BBC channels. But then Sky Television came out in ’89, and ever since then the BBC has been attacked by the ruddy Tories as some sort of last vestige of Communism. Because they don’t do adverts, because there’s no profit in it.
Every year since there have been more ruddy channels, showing more ruddy nonsense, and more ruddy adverts. Less “to educate and inform” and more “to sit in the corner and entice you to buy things you don’t ruddy need or want.
You could spot the gullible people after 1989, because they all had dustbin lid satellite dishes stuck to the sides of their houses. Everyone has one nowadays. It’s like invasion of the body snatchers. Even them who stuck with the BBC are having their brains sucked out by Clarkson and his ilk. Thank god for the ruddy internet, and people like me who can still talk sense.
Any Road…The world was different with the Russians as our friends. We need someone else to have as our enemies. Thank The Good Lord for Ayatollah Khomeni, with his ruddy silly Fatwa on Salmon Rushdie or whatever his name was. No-one had ever really heard of Islamic Fundamentalism before that particular episode. But after that, it was clear who we should spend our money keeping in check. The ruddy Muslims! Never mind that Islam is a mainly peaceable religion that has existed for over 1400 years. That doesn’t matter any more than the fact that socialism is all about equality. People who believe such things are clearly dangerous. Because they attack the concept of greed, which has been proven to be the best system ever.
Do you know what. I think that I might have overdone the sherry. Better get on with….
Auntie Doris’s Tip Top Pip Pop Hit of 1979: I’m sorry. But there just wasn’t any good music in 1989 as far as I was concerned. Of course, Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers did something with Glenn Miller’s music when they brought out that “Swing the Mood” but it was nothing like Glenn in the 40s. It just reminded me of how much the world had changed and made me feel miserable.