You know the one I’m on about. The one where you need sexual healing! Well about a year ago, against my better Judgement, my nephew Michael decided that it would be good for me to try my hand at being a ruddy Agony Aunt. And what with me having recently met Marvin Gaye to discuss stuff for my “They Died Too Young” pieces, he thought that it would be good for me to team up with him on the other side.
The thing was, I hadn’t properly appreciated just how ruddy filthy our Michael can be, or that Marvin Gaye either. I should have known better. After all they are both men and as we know, men have a one tracked mind. I reckon that they made half of the problems up between them, although I reckon that they have had a crack at most of the filthy ruddy stuff they talked about at one time or another. They were probably egging each other on an’all.
Any Road, the result of the exercise was one of the most controversial and hotly debated Auntie Doris series ever “Auntie Doris’s Sexual Healing featuring Marvin Gaye”
As you know, my nephew is intent on putting the whole archive onto WordPress (although the first five or six months were only on Facebook.) Today he wasted a good hour uploading all the sexual healing articles.
The full, developing archive of all my little homilies can also be found on WordPress.
They Died Too young – Marvin Gaye
Mrs J.O. of Swinton, South Yorkshire writes. “Dear Auntie Doris. My husband has developed an interest in wearing dead people’s clothing. It all started out when he found a box containing stuff that used to belong to an aunt of his who died almost twenty years ago. At first, I thought it was just a peccadillo when he tried on a pair of her old tights. It certainly seemed to excite him. But pretty soon, he was trying the lot on and claiming to be channeling her spirit from the “other side”. Since then, he has been behaving very strangely, he now claims to own some of Marvin Gaye’s old clothes, (which is unlikely, unless they were donated to the Help the Aged shop in Mexborough) and is currently on a hunt for items which belonged to his late Uncle Raymond. He never had much fashion sense in the first place, but this is getting out of hand. What do you suggest?
Most men go through a period of necrovestiphilia, or the wearing of dead people’s clothing at some point in their lives. Famous examples include Norman Bates, Ted Bundy and Rasputin, so there is really nothing to worry about. However, if we are talking about who I think we are talking about, and my Raymond thinks he is getting involved, he has another think coming. I don’t want him stalking the earth, telling all and sundry about things that are ought to be left well alone. That sort of thing is better left to me. If he does get hold of any of his Uncle Raymond’s stuff, my advice to you would be to burn it. However, in the case of his dear old Aunt, the behaviour is probably helping him through the grieving process. Indulge him, give him time, as failure to do so may result in deep emotional scarring. And no-one wants to be married to someone with deep emotional scarring. It just isn’t pleasant. And I should know.
Marvin Gaye’s Glistening Tip: “there’s nothing wrong with his passion for sweet soul music neither lady, and you never know: clothing which once belonged to my old pals Otis Redding and Sam Cooke may well have found its way to that Help the Aged shop in Mexborough.