Auntie Doris. Life on the Other Side: Epilogue – Tying it all together.

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Over the past two weeks, I have done my best to give you a frank and truthful account of what life is like on the other side, from the point of passing over, through different aspects of life on the other side and remaining in contact with the living, all the way through to leaving ego and individuality behind and joining The Meld.
I hear a voice at the back ask “what is The Meld?” Haven’t you ruddy well read anything that I have written, or hasn’t any of it sunk in? The Meld is the collective spring of consciousness from which all life is drawn. It is where we come from and where we go back to. We fill it with our experiences, ideas and beliefs. It is beyond good and evil. It is beyond everything. It just is.
The famous German Geordie Philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein was on about The Meld at the end of his Tractatus Logico Philosophicus (1921), when he wrote “Whereof one cannot speak thereof one must remain silent” my Mother used to say something similar: “If you haven’t got anything sensible to say, keep your ruddy trap shut!”
The thing is though, that when Wittgenstein wrote that, he wasn’t even dead, so he didn’t have any of the facts at hand like I do. Of course he is on the other side now, and could probably contact the living with an amended version of his stuff, but he isn’t the least bit bothered about doing anything of the sort. He just stays in all the time and watches old black and white western films with A.J. Ayer and Bertrand Russell and all his other cronies.
“You tell them about it if you like. Doris” he said to me when I went around to broach the subject with him. “I’m not going to. Whereof you cannot be arsed about” he said “thereof one should be silent” And as soon as he had said it, he gave out such a sudden and explosive laugh that little bits of the KP Rancheros corn snacks he was eating were sprayed all over the room, Elisabeth Anscombe had to punch him on the back to stop him choking. I left them to their “Treasure of the Sierre Madre”
Any road. Some people might worry where The Meld fits in with the Theory of Everything and the infinite Multiverses that I mentioned a few weeks ago in “Auntie Doris by Special Request” So I had better tie up that particular loose end. Its quite simple really. Here is how it works.
We live in a finite universe which is one part of an infinite series of universes called the Multiverse. Because the Multiverse is infinite, anything can happen in it. So there are infinite universes parallel to this one, where you and I exist, but where there are subtle differences. I might still be alive in some of them and you might be the one that’s dead for example. There may be universes where Jeremy Clarkson talks sense, and universes where pigs actually can fly. Infinite amounts of them! There are an infinite number of uniiverses where there is no life at all. And there are also an infinite number of universes where there is.
Take it from me. I’m dead, I know more about these things than you do. It is an absolute fundamental fact of the Multiverse that for every single life bearing universe in existence, there is an ‘other side” where the living go to when they die. OK so some of them are full of moss and very little else, but they are there. And they don’t exist in the physical realm of the universes that they are attached to either, they just exist.
But listen carefully. There is only one Meld. That is why it is called The Meld. And whatever universe you came from, whatever you did, however you looked, you will eventually end up in The Meld, without ego or individuality, without body or soul. You will become The Meld. In the final analysis, as HRH the Duke of Edinburgh likes to put it we all “get back to where we ruddy came from”. And that’s that.
As usual, those who are concerned, worried or just plain baffled by this little homily are invited to share their thoughts below it. I will do my best to quiet your nervous heart.

Auntie Doris: Life On the Other side: #12 – Couples, Vegetarians, and Public Houses.

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The highly successful “Life on the Other side series draws to a close tonight with an edition which amongst other things considers the words of Wittgenstein and the position of The Meld in the Multiverse. But before I move on, and start to tell you all about the 1950s, I wanted to spend a little time considering some of the points raised recently by the eminent Dorisologist, Simon Porter.

His first question regards couples on the other side, and whether they may re-affirm their vows and decide to stay together for all eternity rather than go into The Meld.
There are some long standing couples on the other side, and they must have worked out some continued commitment to one another between them. But, as with singletons, very few stay out of the meld beyond 70 or 80 years dead. In fact I can’t think of any.
I think that in one way or another most people naturally seem to gravitate to the meld, they can’t help it. Its like growing up. And of course, in some sense, couples will be even more together in The Meld than they were out of it. They will be truly melded, and able to share the powerful emotions that their relationship created, with… well… with The Meld! It is more likely to be the oddball singleton type who doesn’t see that point in sharing anything who stays outside for an eternity. To be honest I feel sorry for them. Miserable beggars.
As for the question of butchers: Vegetarians and Hindus who considered the cow sacred are quite comfortable with the fact that there are butchers on the other side. The fact is, that as with all foodstuffs enjoyed by the dearly departed, meat is merely a collective fantasy, and no animals are actually harmed in the creation of it. Not that devout Hindus ever try any. Its still against their religion after all. But just as we create our glorified bodies for ourselves on the other side through our subconscious, we also create our foodstuffs, gardens, buildings, environments and everything else. So if I choose to have Knaggs get my beef dripping, rather than do it though force of my own imagination, that’s my prerogative.
And the buildings and environments also include the pubs, cafes, shopping centres and curry houses. My Raymond used to enjoy meeting his pals in the Rose and Crown whilst he was alive. So he continues to meet them in a glorified Rose and Crown now that he isn’t. It doesn’t matter that the real Rose and Crown still exists, has been taken over by a big company and now has a kiddies adventure play area complete with a ball pool and rope swings attached to it. Nor that all the beer is mass produced in something that looks more like a factory than a brewery. That has no bearing on Raymond’s glorified Rose and Crown, which has gone through improvements of its own. The damp patches on the ceiling have gone, so you don’t run the risk of flakes of paint dropping into your glass, the toilets don’t smell anywhere near as bad as they used to, and you can still smoke in there, and buy a pint of hand pulled best bitter. He always did like it hand pulled, did my Raymond. I am certain that anyone wishing to revisit their favourite places once they get to the other side, will have the opportunity. If it can be remembered, it can be there. And will definitely be in The Meld too in some form or other.