Look at him. He’s been sitting there with his great big cup in one hand and that thing with what looks like a bell on the end in the other, and he has let the ruddy tide come in all around him. But look at his face. He doesn’t seem bothered in the least. I reckon he has done it on purpose. He knows how deep the water is going to be, and he has had that stone platform built with his throne on it, just so that he can sit there for a few hours with the water splashing all around him. And why would he do something like that? Because he’s a ruddy man, that’s why. A slave to his obsessions!
It’s obvious that this one is obsessed by the sea. He has a fish medallion around his neck for a start. And there is probably something nautical about that ruddy silly hat he is wearing. It’s got wavy lines on it at least. And it is also obvious that he doesn’t give a monkey’s what other people think of him, because the hat has ear flaps an’all.
The sea looks pretty ruddy choppy though. There is even a fish that has been thrown above the level of the water, and a ship being tossed about a bit behind him.
I used to hate it when me and Raymond were having a snooze on the beach and the ruddy tide came in. We always used to wake up when our feet got wet, and then you would be gathering your stuff as quick as you could before it got ruined. Newspapers, People’s Friend Magazines, Sandwiches, Finest Virginia Hand Rolling Tobacco… none of them are much use when they are soaked in seawater and covered in sand. Same as tights, they are never the same again when they have had their feet dipped in the sea. You are always going to end up with gritty bits between your toes after that somehow. Even if you put them through a boil wash. If you are going to nod off on the beach, it is always best to settle yourself above the high tide mark if you can. Either that or do it on a tall stone plinth. Then again, in my experience, it is never possibly to get comfy enough to nod off on the top of a tall stone plinth. So there you are.
Any road, like I said. The king of cups has courted the situation, and he looks comfortable enough with his lot. In fact he looks ruddy well serene if you ask me. He might have investments in the cargo of that ship. He might be depending on that fish for a decent meal at the end of the day, he is certainly depending on the tide not coming in any further, but he is not letting any of it stress him out, If he does have a copy of the People’s Friend Magazine, or a few sandwiches, he probably has them tucked away under his cloak in a sealed waterproof bag, and you can bet that he hasn’t got one of them mobilized telephones either, so if anyone wants to get in contact with him and give him anything to worry about. They are just going to have to wait.
Four things that you might do this week. (i) Relax. Be serene. Don’t worry about a thing. ‘Cause every little thing is gonna be alright. Well… in the long run it is, any road. Look at me.. Ive been dead nigh on twenty years and it all came up roses for me. (ii) Have a picnic. It doesn’t have to be on the beach. It doesn’t even have to be outside. You can have it in your car, or in your garden shed, or at a ruddy bus stop. There is something nice about having your sandwiches somewhere different for a change. I would swear that they even taste different. Try it and you’ll see what I mean. (iii) While you are at it, have a snooze somewhere different too. Outside, in your car, in your garden shed, or a ruddy bus stop. Perhaps even in the bath, so long as you are careful not to get yourself drownded or anything. I would swear that it actually feels different, Try at and you’ll see what I mean. If you really can’t nod off, try having three or four small sherries. They usually do the trick. (iv) Plan to be calm. Its easily done. Disconnect that ruddy telephone, turn the television off. Make as sure as possible that you are not going to be disturbed by high tides, or nosey neighbours, and enjoy a bit of peace. You deserve it. We all do.