Auntie Doris’s Tarot Card of the Week #62 The Hermit – 5th – 11th January 2015

09 Hermit

Well… Those people who have been following my guide to the Tarot will know what the wands stand for; Potency, virility, carnal knowledge. They are good stout staffs with knobbly ends, bursting with life. But not this one that the ruddy hermit has got hold of. It might be long and straight, but that’s about it. Its all pale and its not bursting with anything. its probably only standing up straight because its ruddy well frozen stiff. The hermit is a cold fellow, with freezing cold feet, who would rather be out tramping about in the snow than spending time with the likes of me and you. He might be holding up that light, but he hasn’t got much to look at where he has taken it, has he? maybe he lost something earlier on and has gone back to look for it. But its too ruddy late for that. It’ll be buried under the snow and he is never going to find it now, whatever it was. maybe it was the key to his house, or his hermitage or whatever it is they live in. Well, he’s not going to find it, he is going to have to break a window and climb in through it. he wants to be careful doing that though. My Raymond did that once and gave himself a nasty cut on his arse. He was lucky that it didn’t get infected. Well actually, he wasn’t lucky, it was down to me swabbing te ruddy would with TCP after he had let me in. and after I had done that I had to scrub the ruddy blood out of the carpet. after that we kept a spare key under a flowerpot in the back yard. Nobody ever looked.

the other thing was that he had decided to climb in through the downstairs toilet window. because he thought that it would be the cheapest one to replace. Of course, he ended up putting his foot in the ruddy toilet and getting it soaked. It served him right for not putting the seat down after he had been. And for not pulling the ruddy chain after himself either. I had to put his trousers and socks in a boil wash and his right shoe was never the same again. Suede. It doesn’t take well to piss.

Anyway. If you draw this card, you want to take a long hard look at yourself. searching around in the dark for things that are long lost. You should get out more.

Four Things that you might do this week. (i) Get out more. Unless you already spend most of your time out. In that case, have a night in. Not on your own though. If there’s any danger of that, you had better invite somebody around to look at your etchings. (ii) Get a spare key cut. ypu needn’t leave it under a flowerpot. you could give it to a neighbour to look after. If you have a neighboutr that you can trust. if you haven’t, then maybe the flowerpot method is best for you. My nephew Michael once buried one in a flowerbed in a jam jar. when he eventually got locked out and dug it up it had got too rusty to use. So he ended up smashing the bathroom window and gashing his ruddy arse after all. (iii) Remember to leave the toilet in the condition that you would like to find it in. Not full of bangers and mash steeped in pitttle. (iv) If your wand is deathly pale and freezing cold. keep it to your ruddy self.

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