He looks ruddy pleased with himself, this one. Waving his wand up high after he has stuck it through a wreath. I don’t reckon he is much of a gentleman though. When a real gentleman has pushed his wand through a bushy orifice, he doesn’t go parading the around the town on horseback showing off about it and encouraging all and sundry to go waving their ruddy wands about in appreciation. No, a real gentleman would be discreet about it, and treat the owner of the foliage with a little bit more respect.
And besides, what’s the big idea with covering his horse with a big green sheet? That doesn’t seem like a sensible thing to do at all to me. For a start, Horses don’t naturally trot around with their heads poking out of ruddy green blankets. They might easily trip over and have to be destroyed. But does he care? I doubt it. It strikes me that he is only bothered about himself, and doesn’t care what he has destroyed; Horses, people’s reputations or whatever! I bet he treats the ruddy ozone layer with the same ruddy contempt that he shows that wreath. I’ll bet he blathers himself in aerosol deodorants every time he leaves the ruddy house. No. The more I think about him, the less I like him.
And another thing! He’s got another wreath on his head. Who does he think he is? Julius Ruddy Caesar?
Four things that you might like to do this week. (i) Practice a little bit of humility. Nobody likes a show off. (Apart from all those people who buy Phil Collinss’s records) If you have an achievement to celebrate, do it with a bit of humility and respect to whoever you climbed over to get there. Its bad form to go waving trophies about. Leave that to the likes of serial killers and footballers. (ii) Be careful with your wreath. Wreaths are delicate things. If you take care of them, they can bring you a lot of pleasure. Don’t go letting all and sundry maul them with their grubby fingers, or poking at them with their wands. And you certainly don’t want anyone parading it through the town on ruddy horseback. (iii) Use a ball deodorant. They smell just as good, and stop dangerous holes appearing in the sky. And while you are at it, never buy fish and chips in polystyrene boxes. Get them wrapped in newspaper, and then you have something to read whilst you are eating them. (iv) Remember what happened to Julius Ruddy Caesar. Nobody liked him. His best make ended up stabbing him in the back because he wouldn’t share his twix bar. “Ate two, Brute”