Auntie Doris’s Road to Publication #2: Queen Victoria

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He has finally got started, our Michael, editing and enhancing or whatever he wants to call it. All I know is that whenever he gets down to it, he still has to put the ruddy tights on. Filthy so and so.
He still wants my ruddy help an’ all, and I suppose he reckons that wearing the tights helps to make the connection.
Any road, he has been getting me to talk to my mother and other people about the early 1900s. What it was like and all that. He has also been coming up with all sorts of ideas, to avoid getting On with it. He has been after me doing a series called “Auntie Doris’s Eminent Victorians” which I reckon is a ruddy good idea actually, but I’m not letting him do it until he’s sorted out this “Auntie Doris Years” thing, and it’s on the ruddy shelves in WH Smiths.
So today he has been marvelling at just how long Queen Victoria was on the ruddy throne. Which was sixty three years and a few months. But then the present queen has done sixty ruddy two, so I reckon the daily sodding Mail will be working on the commemorative pull out section for next year already.
You would think that sixty years would be long enough for anybody. It doesn’t do to stay on the throne too long. Particularly if you are very old. Just ask Prince Charles. It must ruddy irritate him his mother being on the throne all the years that she has been. He will have been having to use the upstairs throneroom for as long as he can remember, and although I bet it’s almost as posh as his mother’s throneroom, it’s never as good when you have to keep dashing upstairs every time you want a proper sit down, just because your mother insists on doing her business at all hours of the day.
Somehow, I don’t think that Queen Victoria’s lad. Prince Edward would have been as bothered. He looked like the sort of bloke who could conduct his business wherever the fancy took him. And he was probably smoking one of them ruddy great cigars whilst he was doing it. And looking at a postcard of some lass with hardly any clothes on. The filthy so and so. You couldn’t help but like him though. And you couldn’t blame him for turning out the way he did with a mother like that.
Our Michael has only just got up to him though, and seeing that he only finally managed to place his arse on the downstairs throne in 1901, you can tell how slow he is going. At this rate, he won’t be ruddy finished until 2024, and he’ll be ruddy sixty odd himself by then.
He has started putting up the early homilies I wrote for the Auntie Doris years on WordPress though. (Anything to get out of doing any real work) he put my guide to the zodiac up this week. You can find it by clicking on “archive” above. He reckons that he will put a few more on whenever he can from now on. But I wouldn’t hold your breath. I’ll keep you informed about his progress.

 

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