Auntie Doris’s All Things Must Pass #3: Robin Hood

imageAuntie Doris’s All Things Must Pass #3: Robin Hood
He had a grand life did Robin Hood, when he was in his pomp in Sherwood Forest in the olden days. Surrounded by his merry men, and Maid Marian. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. He gave that Ruddy Sherrif of Nottingham a run for his money.
Me and my Raymond once had a holiday in his bay, Robin Hoods Bay in Yorkshire. We didn’t think much to it to be honest. It’s a young person’s holiday. Not that there’s all discos there with foam and stuff, but its too hilly for senior ruddy citizens.
I used to have a Robin Hood book when I was a girl. “The Adventures of Robin Hood” The characters all talked that old fashioned language with “thou,” “thee,” and “thy” in it. Like they still do where my nephew Michael lives these days in South Yorkshire, only more so. In that book they would ask questions like “Where art thou bound aged crone?” to an old woman, who turned out to be Robin Hood dressed up. (Only not in tights. Robin Hood actually took his tights off when he dressed as an old woman, unlike the blokes of today)
Any road, it was all good stuff in that book; archery competitions, hoodwinking sheriffs, and mediaeval socialism in its finest form. But I never got used to reading that final chapter: “The Death of Robin Hood”
When I was a little lass, I didn’t like to think of anyone dying. Even though my father used to drum it into me that anyone who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ could have eternal life and never die. It just didn’t ring true to me. Because people did die. Like my Grandfather who got run over by a railway train (“Ohh said Grandfather, “that’s not fair” “Oh?” said the engine driver “I don’t care”) After he died he had no effect on the world of the living .Or so I thought back then. Until I died. But that’s another story.
Any road, Robin Hood got bled to death by a wicked bleeder, and when he realised that he was dying, he trumped weakly to summon Little John to his side, and with his dying strength, he fired an arrow out of the window of the Kirklees District Council Bleedery and said “Bury me where that one lands!”
I always thought that that was a funny ruddy way of going on. For a start, he could have had somebody’s eye out. And if he had have done, where would they have buried him then? They could have hardly have buried him inside somebody’s head, could they, even if they had cremated him first. The poor soul he hit. was going to be annoyed enough losing his eye, without expecting to have the culprit’s ashes funnelled into his head through the vacant socket.
Any road, he didn’t actually have anyone’s eye out. The arrow just landed in the garden of the bleedery. They buried him there, and that was the end of it.
I still didn’t like reading about it though. Poor old Robin Hood dying, leaving the socialist flame to end up in the hands of the likes of that Ed Milliband and his ruddy merry men. Milliband is no Robin Hood in my book. But there you go… All things must pass.

3 thoughts on “Auntie Doris’s All Things Must Pass #3: Robin Hood

  1. There is a wood in the middle of Salisbury Plain, Larkhill Artillery Range if memory serves where we got arrested disrupting Cruise, long ago. It is called “Robin Hood Ball” Wonder what he’d have thought of weaponery in his sacred grove- fine post Auntie.

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