Auntie Doris in the 21st Century #3: The Human Genome Project

imageDiddlyNiddlyArchitecture, otherwise known as DNA, was first discovered by Masters and Johnson, when they were washing the sheets after their famous research into people having carnal knowledge with each other.

In order to finish their experiments properly, they looked at the sheets through a microscope, and discovered that all the information about how to grow a human being, and what that human being will turn out like when it is grownup was contained in tiny data banks inside the stains which are produced when men and women love each other very much. In bed. At first, they thought that this information was only contained in the so called “love juices” but later scientists, including Doctor White and Professor Plum, of the university of Cluedo, discovered that this vital information was contained in every cell of the human body!
Once this had been discovered, it wasn’t long before scientists were asked to do a project about it. This would be called the “human genome project” and it even though they started it in about 1990 they didn’t get it finished until the twenty first century.
But once they had finished it, and produced what they called a “road map, the boffins all know how to fiddle about with people’s genomes to make them behave differently. They even reckon that they can fiddle about with the genomes of unborn children so that they won’t have to wear glasses me will be able to play the violin. Of course, they haven’t actually done anything of the sort, yet. Mainly because of discussions about the rights and wrongs of it all. I don’t know about you, but I know plenty of people who have to wear glasses and can’t play the violin for toffee. As a matter of fact, I used to be one of them myself. And I strongly believe that people like me have a right to life, and shouldn’t be edited out of existence by people in lab coats dabbling with forces that they don’t understand.
Of course, a lot of the early work on genomes was done by British scientists. Professor David Bowie of Brixton Academy discovered the laughing genome back in the 1960s. But the discovery nearly drove him mad and he had to spend the next two or three decades trying to be serious.
The thing that the professor Bowie, and the rest of the scientists will never understand, is that the DNA of an individual is just an expression of their characteristics, which is determined when their spirit separates from The Meld, and they get themselves re-incarnated. (Or incarnated if it’s a mixture if spirit that hasn’t been incarnated before.) Trust science to get things cock’ards way on! Yes, you could probably fiddle with the genes for a big nose, or a hairy back, but you couldn’t properly fiddle with actual personality genes, as all that comes from deep beyond what we know of as reality, “far away on the other side” as Cat Stevens once put it.
Still, they like to try. I understand that after his death in 2010, Bernard Matthews left a great deal of money to start up a “Turkey Genome Project” to fulfil his dream of of getting the perfect gobble. It takes all ruddy kinds!

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