Auntie Doris in the 21st Century # 1: Facebook

If I was alive I would have celebrated my hundredth birthday the other week. What am I saying? I did celebrate it, even though I died in 1995. You can still celebrate your birthdays on the other side, as well as the day that you passed over. I never got a telegram from the ruddy Queen though. She only does the living.
Any road, what I am trying to say is that I spent my entire life in the twentieth century, and now, with the twenty first well underway, the world is changing so fast that I feel increasingly left behind. If I came back to live there now, I would probably be way out of my depth. Most of the people I used to know have passed over anyway. I just like to keep in touch as a sort of an hobby, because I can. Besides, I think that my nephew Michael would be lost without me. He never had half as many literary accomplishments until he made contact with me. Now he has co written a history of the twentieth century, and plenty else besides. Well, I let him take the lions share of the credit. I don’t need credit. why would I? I’m ruddy dead. Remember?
Obviously, one of the big things that has taken off since my day is that internet that everybody is on these days. In fact, if it wasn’t for the internet, I wouldn’t have hardly any friends at all in the world of the living. But now I have hundreds. Mostly on the Facebook, ( but then our Michael made me do the WordPress as well, because he thought it attracted a higher class of punter. He always was a bit of a ruddy snob that one)
I actually prefer the Facebook myself. And you would be amazed how many people on there are actually dead. All you need to do is possess someone’s body for long enough to log on and type up your status thing, and you are doing it. Facebooking, as they call it these days. There are even some clever beggars over here who don’t even need to possess one of the living. That can just somehow manipulate all the electrics that the internet is made of and do it themselves. The thing is that most of them pretend to be someone who is still alive, or pretend to be someone who is still alive pretending to be someone who is dead. Which is complicated. Not many actually come out in the open and declare their deceased status like me. You get the story straight from me.
I don’t reckon that it will be long before there is a dead people’s pride movement, and lots of us come out of the closet, so to speak. “Glad to be Dead!” “Proud to have passed over!” It’ll not be long before there is a “Facebook of the Dead” where the dead can meet the living as equals. I think that the Buddhists already have something like that. “The Tibetan Fcebook of the Dead” they call it. I reckon that some young entrepreneur will set one up for non Buddhists and make a packet. Not my ruddy nephew though. He hasn’t got the technical knowhow. And don’t go looking at me. I’m happy enough helping him out with his literary aspirations. I’m not making him a ruddy dot com millionaire into the bargain!

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