Auntie Doris’s Mysteries of the Unexplained #4: The Great Pyramids of Egypt.

imageSome of them pyramids in Egypt are nearly five thousand years old. And there is no rational explanation of how the ancient Egyptians could have possibly built them unless they were helped by spacemen of some sort. That’s what my Raymond used to say any road.
I said that it might have been possible that they just used bricks made out of the mud from the river Nile, baked solid in the sun, and laid them out in a massive square, and then built another slightly smaller square on top of that, and another on top of that, and just kept going until they came to a point at the top. It seems simple enough to me, but I’m no architect.
Then again, neither was my Raymond. He reckoned that there was no way that that could have been the method. Therefore, by the application of “Occam’s Razorblade” (when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth) they must have been built by spacemen. Or at the very least by Egyptians helped by spacemen.
Apparently, if you look at Egyptian paintings and drawings, a lot of the people in them are wearing strange things on their heads that look like big skittles or tenpin bowling things. No actual headgear like that has ever been found in an archaeological dig in Egypt, therefore, they must be space helmets, and the people who wore them must have gone back to their own planet in about 1700 BC.
So that proves it.
Apparently, if you stand at a certain spot in Egypt and look at a pyramid on midwinters day or something. The sun appears to climb up one side of the pyramid in the morning, and roll down the other side in the afternoon. And there’s no way on Earth that the ancient Egyptians could have built that out for themselves, so the calculations must have been done from inside a ruddy flying saucer.
And what did they do with the pyramids when they had built them? They buried their kings and other important people in them. But only after they had pulled all of their innards out through their noses with some futuristic looking bent wire coat hanger things. And what do you suppose they did with the innards? My Raymond reckoned that a bloke he knew down at the Rose and Crown, who was a relative of Howard Carter, said that they probably put them in robot bodies where they were re-animated and sent to have adventures all over the universe. He said that papyrus scrolls with instructions on how this was done, and drawings of what the robots looked like were found by him and Lord Shaftesbury in the Valley of the Kings, but they mysteriously disappeared after a visit from the FBI, or something.
Today we gaze in wonder at the pyramids, and ponder over their mysterious power and majesty. Is it true that they can preserve organic matter for countless aeons? Some tea manufacturers seem to think so. That is why you can now buy pyramid shaped teabags, that remain fresher and fuller of flavour right up until the point that they are immersed in boiling water. Ancient Egyptian Space technology, every time you brew up. It’s a mysterious old world eh?

9 thoughts on “Auntie Doris’s Mysteries of the Unexplained #4: The Great Pyramids of Egypt.

  1. I found the Pyramids more stunning from the road to Giza than up close, too much chaos, horses fighting, men peeing or showing off their twig n berries, and a dead dog. Black against the bluest sky, had to be made by aliens as Trig Points I reckon.

      • You never went on an aeroplane? Well, I guess you’re higher than any of them now! Do you watch them go past? Do they make much noise or are they too far below?

      • Hi Marigold- Egypt, I went on my own in 1986, for two months, I felt safe, but if you can deal with the filth and crowds go. I got out of the cities to Hurghadah, on the Red Sea, best snorkling in the world. Built up and touristy now, but the place to go, avoid Luxor, you will get ripped off. Cheers Sheila.

      • Wow thanks for the advice! I’d still like to see Luxor, Karnak, Abu Simbul and Deir el-Bahri and all that, but I appreciate the heads up! I’ll just have to be a really savvy traveller.

  2. Very humerous blog! There’s a whole industry of course around the strange things allegedly to do with pyramids. Robert Bauval et al believed they were launching sites for the souls of the pharaohs There’s a lot of New Age nonsense around but the allignment of the 3 great pyramids with the stars of Orion’s belt is undeniable. What does Auntie Doris say about that!

    • I don’t know about undeniable, the position of the stars in the sky has moved a bit since ancient Egyptian days, and even accounting for that, they don’t match up all that well, even if you turn the picture of the pyramids thhe other way around.
      You will be telling me that the river Nile represents the ruddy Milky Way next!
      I like your blog though. And I don’t say that to all the brainy blokes.

      • I dont think the stars in Orion’s belt have moved their relative positions but it cd be a coincidence that the pyramids copy the pattern! I’m not a pyramidologist you’ll be pleased to know!

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