Auntie Doris’s Mysteries of the Unexplained #3: Barney and Betty Hill

Barney and Betty Hill were a nice American couple. They were pillows of their community in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Everyone who knew them liked and respected them. In 1961 they went on holiday to visit the Viagra falls. They drove all the way there, and all the way back. It took then four hours to dive there, but it took them seven hours to drive home. This was because, on the way back, they were abducted by aliens.
They didn’t realise what had happened at first. When they got through the front door of their house they felt a bit dizzy and disorientated and they noticed that both of their watches had stopped, so they had to find out what time it was by the clock in the front room. “Ruddy Nora” Barney said “Its later than I thought, we had better go to bed.” Then he realised that all the toes of his shoes had got scuffed, and Betty realised that her dress was all torn up the side. “Its a ruddy rum business this” she said, and then the both of them realised that neither of them could remember very much about the journey, except….
….except for the bit where they had seen a great big UFO hovering in the sky above them, and spindly limbed grey creatures with outsized heads looking at them through the windows of it.
But for the life of them, they couldn’t remember a thing after that until they opened the front door back home. It was as if they had driven home on autopilot.
Any road, they were tired out, so they soon dropped off to sleep. Barney was alright, but Betty wasn’t. She started to dream. Ruddy horrible vivid dreams, about alien creatures doing strange medical tests on her. They poked and prodded at her bosoms. They held her tongue down with a futuristic looking lolly stick thing and telepathically asked her to say “aah.” They pulled the skin down under her eyes and made her look up whist they shone a futuristic looking torch in her face. They made her cross her legs and tapped her knee with a futuristic looking rubber mallet. It was awful, and it just went on, and on, and on, for ages, until they took her back to the car and sat her next to Barney who drove her home, looking uncomfortable and squirming in his seat.
She kept on having dreams like that for weeks afterwards, and gradually the truth dawned on them that they had been abducted, and they had somehow repressed the memories into their unconsciouses.
So then Barney decides to take himself off to one of them hypnotists. The hypnotist swung a pocket watch in front of his eyes until he was under, and then asked him what he could remember. The truth came flooding out. He had been abducted too. And they had done all sorts of ruddy tests on him. The filthy little buggers had even subjected him to a probe up his back passage and had nudged his little walnut with the ruddy thing. He was devastated. Once he found out what had happened to him he drank himself into an early grave.
There are some people who doubt the truth of Barney and Betty’s story. They point to the fact that they must have been under considerable stress in sixties America, sharing the same names as Barney and Betty Rubble, neighbours of popular cartoon cave dwellers, Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Psychiatrists suggested that they had invented the story of the abduction to cope with the pressure of being continually compared with supporting characters in a cartoon. They wanted their own identities to be stronger. Some support for this theory came from the case of Ned and Maude Flinders in the 1990s who claimed to have been driven to Jupiter in a flying saucer. But their tale was quickly disproved and subjected to the rid-diddley-idicule it deserved. But Barney and Betty… I feel that there is a bedrock of truth in their story. What do you think?

One thought on “Auntie Doris’s Mysteries of the Unexplained #3: Barney and Betty Hill

  1. I do not think they were a couple wanting to call much attention to themselves. It was different times, I had an employee call in sick once from “Viagra Falls”, problem is they were 5,000 miles away. Perhaps the aliens took Rose there?..

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