Auntie Doris’s Tarot Card of the Week #45: The Seven of pentacles 7th – 13th September 2014

This card represents someone who is making a living out of vegetations. Maybe a farmer, a gardener, a greengrocer or someone like that. The bloke in the picture has done alright for himself. He is resting his hands and chin on his hoe and looking at what he has done. He wants to be ruddy careful. If his hands slip the end of that hoe will go right into the fleshy bit under his chin. It won’t do any lasting damage, but it might make a nasty bruise, and he might even end up biting the sides of his tongue. And that will take the ruddy shine off his day.
The other danger that he has to watch out for is that that plant is nearly as big as him. And it is throwing out tendrils, as plants like that do. He has to hope that it hasn’t been bathed in ruddy gamma rays or anything like that, or it might just grab him. Like them ruddy triffid things in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” He’ll be laughing on the other side of his face if he has his body snatched by the tentacles.
So if you or someone you know makes a living in the vegetation industry, you ought to tell them to be careful, particularly if they work near one of those nuclear reactor stations.
Farmer Field was the local farmer when I was alive. But he didn’t hold with vegetation. He was more interested in his meat, was that one. Mind you, if you ever tried his sausage, it would melt in your mouth. It would. Not that melted sausage is any good to anyone, but that’s another story. He had cows and sheep and pigs and hens did old Field. And a couple of ruddy horses to go with them all. The only interest he had in vegetation was for feeding his animals with. “Any fool can grow a few carrots” he used to say, “but who wants to eat a plateful of carrots without a bit of bully beef with them?”
Of course when our madge went vegetarian, he was disgusted. But then she was very fond of Bartlett, the grocer, was our Madge. And by being vegetarian, it gave her the excuse to go rummaging around in his shop more often. I saw her on more than one occasion coming out of there with all pear juice dribbling down her chin. She was ruddy shameless, that woman.
Four things that you might do this week. (i) Go vegetarian for a day.. Just to see what its like. Go on, it won’t do you any harm, and it might even do you a bit of good. And its only one day.. What difference would it make? If you’re already vegetarian, why not try a delicious corned beef sandwich, with brown sauce? Go on, it won’t do you any harm, and it might even do you a bit of good. And its only one day.. What difference would it make? (ii) Get out into the garden, and trim a bush or something. But be careful with the tools. My friend Violet was fiddling around with one of them electrical things near her bush and she ended up losing three fingers. That put the Kibosh on her keyboard playing. They had to send the Bontempi back to Gough and Davey’s. (iii) Try and cultivate a bit of vegetation. Even if its only a pot plant in the front room. My nephew Michael gave me a window box once, with loads of pot plants in it. But they grew so tall that I couldn’t see out of the window so he took them away to make herbal cigarettes with or something. (iv) Remember, whatever you are working on. Always take a bit of time to relax, and look at how you are progressing. Otherwise you run the risk of flying off cack handed and making a ruddy mess of it.

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