Auntie Doris’s Tarot Card of the Week #39:The Lovers: 29th July – 4th August 2014

Look at those two, showing off all they’ve got. Like ruddy John and Yoko! Have they no shame? No of course they ruddy haven’t. They are in love, and they don’t care who knows it, and they each think that the other is so beautiful. Perfection itself, and why shouldn’t they parade around in their birthday suits if that what they ruddy well want to do. Rather than being shocked, you should be happy for them. Don’t be jealous, neither of them are really your type. Their heads are too small, he’s got little titties and a funny haircut, her Mary is nothing to write home about. But that’s not the point. They are in Love. And they are as innocent as Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. But it’s not Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, what this card is saying is that with Love, you can be like that. You can be that innocent, that Happy. In Paradise, in ruddy ecstacy!
But they have the same dangers as Adam and Eve did.
Look behind her, the serpent, and the temptation to try forbidden fruits. Her mother might have left some fruit pastilles in a drawer at home, and she knows damn well that they are not hers, but she might pinch them all the same, and she might share them with her man, but the guilt of it will eat away at her, and SPOIL EVERYTHING!
Look behind him, the tree which bears the flaming leaves of desire. He might only be having a laugh and a joke with that lass on the checkout at Fine Fare, but when he passes her the money off coupons, and his hand brushes against hers as his hand brushes against hers, and their eyes meet, just for a second, it sets a train of lustful thoughts in his mind that will SPOIL EVERYTHING!
They should go careful them two. They should listen to Frankie Valley and the four seasons. “let’s Hang on to What We’ve Got” they should be saying. But that’s easier said than done what with all those flames of desire and forbidden fruits and serpents knocking about.
But don’t worry too much. They have their own guardian angel looking over them to keep an eye on their relationship, and the sun is shining. They are stood on good green grass, and the bare mountains of need are still far away in the distance. No one can be sure of the end of their story, but we all have our fingers crossed for them, and we are all there to help if they are ever in need.
Four things that you might do this week.
(i) Buy your mother a packet of Fruit Pastilles, or get something nice for someone who loves you. It needn’t cost a packet. In fact limit yourself to something you can pick up from the paper shop.
(ii) Listen to some Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons, but only walk like a man if you are one. Otherwise, just remember that Big Girls Don’t Cry.
(iii) If you know any lovers, be nice to them, get them a packet of fruit pastilles to share an’all, or a bag of barley sugars. If they are getting married pop them in a fancy jar and make it a wedding present. They don’t need much… they have each other.
(iv) Watch out for temptation. It might not come in the form of a snake or burning leaves, it might be something as simple as a walnut whip or a pair of tights!

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