Auntie Doris’s Tarot Card of the Week #37: The Two of Swords: 14th – 20th July 2014

Well. The first thing that I always point out to people who draw this card is… It’s a ruddy silly idea to go messing about with swords when you are blindfolded. Just don’t do it. You can end up giving yourself, or somebody else a very nasty cut. What this lass needs to do is to take the blindfold off. And she might actually need to put down at least one of the swords to do it. It might be just possible for her to get it off by wiggling her nose, raising and dropping her eyebrows and generally stretching her face around a bit, but that would be time consuming and she would look ruddy silly whilst she was doing it. Put the swords down dear. Take the blindfold off with your hands, and take a good look at what it is that you think you are defending yourself from.
It might be that her fears are unfounded once she faces them. And to be honest, even if it was someone or something horrible, it it unlikely that it would have run at her from the side and split it’s face open on one of them ruddy swords. It would have probably shot her in the face with a bow and arrow or something.
So that’s what this card is all about. Facing your fears, rather than hiding away from them and taking elaborate and stupid defensive measures. If you are frightened of spiders, catch them in a cup or something and let them go outside. They don’t ruddy bite. If you are frightened of Muslims, try talking to one or two, about something nice, like the weather or something. They don’t ruddy bite either. Same with the homeless. Try having a chat with them like my friend Dennis Cardiff does. I don’t think he has ever been bitten by one and he tells some good stories.
Some people’s biggest fear is forming relationships with anyone. And they sometimes defend themselves by being prickly and grumpy and sometimes even rude. Other times they defend themselves by being painfully shy and hiding in their ruddy shells. They desperately need to face their fears, otherwise they will be lonely for the rest of their lives, and loneliness is a terrible thing.
You can tell that the lass in the card has had that blindfold on for some time. Look at her clothes. She is all in grey. Poor lass. She could do with brightening up a bit and realising that if she took the blindfold off, stopped waving them swords around, and brightened up a bit, she might not be as lonely and afraid in the future.
Four things that you might do this week. (i) Talk to someone who has different religious views to you. Don’t talk about religion. Offer them a sweet, and talk about that. Ask them if they like Opal Fruits and whether they thought it was a shame when they changed the name to Starbursts. Ask them where they bought their clothes from. Ask them where they are going for their holidays. Anything. If people talked to each other more, things would be a lot nicer. (ii) Put something bright and cheerful on before you go out. And smile at people. (iii) Collect a few spiders from your house and let them out in the garden or a local park. (iv) Say “Hello” or something similar to at least four people who you don’t know every day.

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