Doris’s Digest #10: Why Antimatter Matters

Look around you. Everything you can see is made out of matter. And I’m not just talking about the stuff that our Michael used to squeeze out of the spots on his face either. As far as scientists are concerned, Matter is everything. Everything is made out of atoms, and everything made out of atoms is matter. It’s as simple as that. Apart from the fact that it’s not quite as simple as that. Not when you bring ruddy antimatter into it.
Apparently, according to the boffins, for every atom in existence there is an anti-atom. And for every piece of matter in existence, there is a piece of antimatter. So if we exist in an infinite multiverse composed of matter, there must be another infinite multiverse composed of antimatter.
Course, there are problems with this. In the first place, is there enough room in the ruddy space time continuum for two infinite multiverses? And, perhaps more importantly, how are they kept apart? Because, as everyone knows, if matter and antimatter ever come into contact, then there will be an almighty bang and the whole caboodle will go up in smoke. Every single universe in both infinite multiverses would be blown to Kingdom come!
I’m not entirely sure what would happen to the spirit realm in such circumstances, but I’m sure that it wouldn’t be very good. The spirit world mostly depends on the material realm (and the antimaterial realm, I suppose) for sustenance. Without a steady stream of life and experience there could be no afterlife. I imagine that The Meld would survive, somehow. And maybe it would recreate everything again. But I don’t really know. How should I ruddy know anyway? All I know is that antimatter matters!
So when their scientists start trying to create antimatter in their particle accelerators, I start to get a bit twitchy. They are clearly dabbling with forces that they don’t understand, and that is never a good idea. They have actually created some too. In one of them large hydronic colander things. When they make a bit of antimatter here though, anti-scientists must be making an equivalent piece of matter in the antimatter multiverse, and somehow their creations must switch places with each other. But if they touch….. BOOM!
Of course, it’s alright creating antimatter, but once you have created it, you have to be able to store it safely. Fortunately, only small amounts of antimatter have been created so far, and these have been stored in specially lined margarine tubs which are placed at the bottom of buckets of water in the basement at the CERN laboratories in Geneva. however, if they go into production on a larger scale they will have to find somewhere bigger to store it, probably in a purpose built base at the bottom of the sea. And we all know what happens when purpose built bases at the bottom of the sea fall into the wrong hands, don’t we? Some maniac holds the world to ransom, and it takes ruddy James Bond to sort it all out. And he has never been as good since Sean Connery stopped doing him.

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