Auntie Doris’s New Zodiac #8: Perseus – The Slayer of Monsters : Nov 17 – Dec17

PerseusPerseusians are good people to have around. Let’s face it, nobody likes Monsters, and if we do have a monster problem, we are going to want to know who we can call up to get them slayed for us, don’t we? The good people of New York couldn’t have gone on indefinitely with King Kong climbing up their skyscrapers and swatting their biplanes out of the air, could they. Neither could the good people of Tokyo have managed for long with Godzilla breathing fire all over their model cardboard houses and eating their cars and stuff. They needed a Perseusian type monster destroyer. Of course most Perseusians these days hardly ever get anywhere near a real monster in the traditional sense. It has become a sort of a euphemism for “terrible thing” and “slaying” has come to simply mean “getting rid of” so nowadays, the man who comes to remove a wasps nest from the garden, the dentist who pulls out a bad tooth, the zookeeper who cleans out the elephants enclosure or the bloke who fills in the potholes in the road are all very likely to be born under the sign of Perseus. As I believe I have mentioned before. I often had to get rid of terrible things which my Raymond had left in the toilet, because they were too large and too solid to be disposed of by ordinary flushing. But with my trusty sword of a straightened wire coat hanger, and a kettleful of boiling water, I was more than equal to the task. I was never really sure about what to do with floating pieces of sweet corn though. The best thing was to try and cover them with toilet paper which would give them added weight and drag them down the next time you flushed. You had to be careful with that method though. If you weren’t careful you could end up blocking the ruddy bowl again with toilet paper, and if it overflowed you could end up with shite, sweetcorn and wet toilet paper all over the bathroom floor. I did that once and my Hairy Mary ended up blathered in it. I had to hold her in the bath whilst I combed it out of her hair. Any road, my advice to Perseusians is to make sure that people don’t take advantage. They can learn to unblock their own ruddy toilets. Otherwise, charge them the going rate and go into business. You have the ability to provide a service that people want. Use it for your own benefit. Famous Perseusians: Gary Lineker, almost destroyed the Germans in the 1990 World Cup, scoring a superb goal, even though he had a mouthful of crisps, but then it went to penalties… Dick Van Dyke: excellent chimney sweeper with a convincing English accent, inventor of Toot Sweets, and a qualified Doctor, able to rid the world of homicidal maniacs by diagnosing murder! Jimmy Hendrix, destroyed some monstrous guitars, that wouldn’t stay in tune, by setting fire to them, even though it burned his hands.

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