Auntie Doris’s New Zodiac #4: Equuleus – The Pony: Jul 27 -Aug 28

Equuleus“Pony” is a slang word for a number two, a pooh, a piece of chocolate cake, or for the scientifically minded of you, a shite. I used to think that this was because ponies are often brown, get a bit hot and steamy, and have quite a distinctive smell. But no. I was wrong. It’s nothing to do with that at all. It’s because it is Cockney rhyming slang. “Pony and Trap” rhymes with “Crap” not a very pleasant word. I suppose that’s why they made up a rhyme for it. Any road, Equuleans shouldn’t let anyone tell them that they are crap. They are hard working, naturally loyal and affectionate and a pleasure to be around. They are also naturally fond of carrots and apples, and as a result, they usually have very good teeth. Does that ring a bell with you? No? You should have looked after them better then.
Sometimes other people exploit the Equuleans tendency towards hard work and loyalty. They get taken advantage of, and as a result, they often feel put upon. They are expected to make the tea, wash the pots and do everything else whilst other folk put their feet up and read the paper. As my sister Pearl used to say to her George; “I’ll stick a broom up my arse and sweep the floor whilst I am at it, shall I?”
My advice to Equuleans is to go on strike every now and again, if only to let people realise your true value. If you must work hard, make sure that it is for you. Bake yourself a cake now and again, and share it with your real friends. The ones who deserve the fruits of your labour and loyalty. Not the filthy beggars who make a mess of your underwear drawer by accidentally getting it all blathered in copydex, and then leaving you to wash and fold it all up again.
People will always take advantage of you if you let them, so come on Equuleans. stand up for yourselves and refuse to be exploited. You are not a piece of crap to be poked off the sole of somebody’s shoe with a stick. You are the fine patent leather shoe itself. Lovingly crafted by a skilled cobbler, and able to serve someone well if looked after properly. Demand to be looked after properly or refuse to come out of the bottom of the wardrobe, or from under the bed or from wherever people keep their shoes these days. Have a bit of pride in yourself, don’t just lie there with vacant eyes and your tongue hanging out, waiting for someone to shove their sweaty sock clad feet into you. I’m not sure where this ruddy metaphor I’d heading, so I shall just list a few famous people born under the sign of Equuleus: Pricess Anne, pony loving Royal with prominent teeth. Martin Sheen, actor with prominent brand of furniture polish. Bill Clinton. Ex president, with prominent cigar habits. Madonna, attention seeking singer with prominent conical breasts.

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