Auntie Doris’s Tarot Card of the Week #23: The Queen of Swords: 7th – 13th April 2014

What a stern face the queen of swords has. It is a face which says, “I don’t brook any ruddy nonsense, and if you and I are going to get on, you had better get that into your head for starters. I used to use that face a lot when I was alive. It saved a lot of misunderstandings. But unlike this lass, I preferred to fight my battles with a soup spoon. A sword can do rather more damage than I was prepared to explain away to the local bobby. He just might eventually see the funny side if I whacked him on the helmet with a soup spoon, but if I ran the ruddy thing through with a sword, I would be asking for a trip down to the station and at the very least, a formal caution from the Desk Sergeant.
The thing with the queen of swords though, is its all a bit of a show. For a start, she looks like she has raised those clouds with her own hand to hide the blue sky. But the main question you need to ask yourself is this: why would a stern faced woman with a sword in her hand be wearing a crown made out of butterflies? She has butterflies on her throne an’all, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she had one tattooed on her arse. That sort of thing is all the rage these days.
In my opinion, the Queen of Swords isn’t as tough as she makes out. She is soft and gentle and vulnerable as a butterfly behind all the bluster. She is all blue skies and birdsong, and pleasantness behind those clouds. If you really got to know her, you would be surprised.
But don’t get me wrong. Those clouds, that sword, that hard faced expression are all there for a reason, and to get to understand the queen, you need to decipher the reason. She reminds me of Doreen Curdle whose character seemed to change completely after she lost the love of her life in the war. She was as tough as old boots after that, and as sour faced as a bulldog licking pittle off a nettle. But I knew her before, and I know that the sweet, carefree, laughing lass she was, was still in there somewhere. Even though I never managed to coax her out. To be honest, I never really tried too much. We used to be stern faced and sharp tongued together over a bottle or two of sherry. We sort of enjoyed it that way. Even though we never said so.
Four things that you might do this week. (i) Have a crack at cloudbursting. It’s where you stare at the sky and try to alter the size and shape of the clouds with the force of your mind. Some people reckon that they are good at it. Silly sods. It’s impossible really, but sometimes you get lucky, and you think you are on to something. Any road it’s a good form of meditation, as it takes your mind off things for a bit. (ii) Spend a bit of time with someone who is generally miserable, cynical and sharp tongued, but don’t try and cheer them up. Be miserable, cynical and sharp tongued with them. Be on their side for a bit. You can always watch a Buster Keaton or something afterwards to cheer yourself up. And you might actually make a miserable person a little more comfortable with their misery. (iii) Look at a few butterflies, for the same reason. No putting them in killing jars or anything though. That’s just cruel. If it’s too cold for butterflies, draw some or do that thing with paint and folding the paper. (iv) Get a butterfly tattooed on your arse. Go on… I dare you!

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