Auntie Doris: Life on the Other Side #2: So, You’re Dead… What Now?

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Your first few days dead are a bit of a whirl. But they are not going to be anywhere near as bad as your first few days alive. For a start, you aren’t a baby. So there isn’t any call for screaming and crying and what nots. And for the most part, you will actually understand what is going on because you will have all your wits about you. In fact you will probably have more wits about you than you had before you died, because you no longer have to rely on a physical brain to sort your thoughts, ideas and memories out.

Not only that, you will feel better than you have in ages an’all because you will no longer be in a malfunctioning physical body. But you will still feel like you have a body. Have you heard of those people who have had an arm or a leg amputated, but still feel the presence of a “phantom limb”? Well you will still feel you have a “phantom body”, because the spiritual bit of you that is left finds it a right ruddy shock to have no physical form to relate to, and therefore it “invents” one for you. This new body is controlled by your subconscious, and because we mostly want to be at our best, it generally presents as the best body we ever had. So we are mostly better looking, leaner and fitter than we were before we passed over. People also rectify things that they disliked about themselves when they were alive. Crooked noses become straight, missing teeth re-appear, some people actually go through the whole sex change thing. And ruddy good luck to them an’all.
Of course, under certain circumstances you may want to present as you did at various stages of your life. My Mother and my sister Pearl looked just as they did in the last few years that I knew them alive when they met me at the end of that tunnel. That was just to make me feel comfortable and natural as I passed over. Two chubby old lasses they were. But once I got used to the situation, they began to look more like the way they wanted to look, and I understood perfectly, like you do when things change in a dream.
You sort of create your surroundings in the same way too. You get the space to live in that you are comfortable with. I got a nice spacious bungalow with all my nick nacks in it, handy for the local shops and on a bus route into town too. Obviously I didn’t need to catch a bus anywhere, but on the other side there are people like me, who like riding on buses, and other people who enjoy driving them. And they run on ruddy time as well. And you get a free bus pass when you are dead, and you don’t even have to fill in a form to apply for it. In fact even if you leave it on the mantelpiece in the bungalow, it doesn’t matter, because the driver never asks to look at it any road. So it’s a win-win situation.
But hark at me rattling on. I’ll leave it there for now. Tomorrow I’ll tell you about people who back as ghosts and at séances, or by manifesting themselves through the living.

Once Again: If you have been affected by any of the issues mentioned in “Auntie Doris, Life on the Other Side”, and would like to have your concerns plastered all over the ruddy internet for all and sundry to see, put a message in the comments below. An untrained, dead old lady will do her best to assist you.

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