The Auntie Doris Years: 1948

image The National Health Service. Universal ruddy Healthcare. Free at the point of use! That’s what the Socialist government in Britain created in 1948. Free glasses, free dentures, free hospital beds, free doctors, free hearing aids, free prescriptions, free operations! The envy of the world. Something to be proud of! Unless you are a penny pinching Tory who doesn’t believe in equality, and using taxation to actually help ordinary people. It is particularly the envy of America. Or at least if normal people in America. But what were the ruddy Americans doing in 1948? Apart from scaring themselves to death about the Russians. I’ll tell you what they were doing. Strapping ruddy monkeys called Albert into rockets and blasting them off into space, that’s what. Albert the first, suffocated to death because there isn’t enough air in space. Albert the second, didn’t suffocate but got smashed to death when his capsule landed because the parachute didn’t open. Albert the third, died in space when his rocket exploded, Albert the fourth, another parachute tragedy. I suppose the Americans think that they are clever because they eventually put a man on the moon and have Skylabs and things these days. But they still haven’t got a decent Health Service for everyone, rich or poor. And if we keep voting the ruddy Tories in we won’t have one either by the time they have finished with it.
Any road. I ended up having my teeth out soon after you could have it done for free on the National Health. And I had a nice white plastic set made. No more toothache and broken bits for me. Granted they took a bit of getting used to at first, but they looked a damn sight better than my old yellow ones did, and I didn’t have to worry about brushing them any more. I could just pop em out and give em a rinse under the tap. I ask you. What would you rather have your government do for you, give you a nice white set of teeth, or kill a ruddy monkey?
My Raymond had his done an’all, and mother Ethel, and my mother. My father wasn’t as keen. He thought that if The Lord God Almighty had wanted him to have plastic teeth, he would have created him with them already in his head. But he never explained how they would have fitted in his head when he was a baby. Or why The Lord God Almighty wanted him to have the painful crooked yellow, brown and black shards and stumps that he had ended up with. No wonder he was always in a bad mood.
Auntie Doris’s pop pick of 1948: “Its Magic” by Doris day. I was 34. But with my new teeth, and the improved eyesight I got from my new glasses, I felt like I was 24 again. That was Magic! When was the last time a Tory government took ten years off you, rather than ten quid?

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