Auntie Doris’s by Special Request.. Special Edition: Online Dating

dateEven though Ann was too late for a regular entry in Auntie Doris by Special Request, I understand that she may need a little advice from her old Auntie. You will have to bear with me though Ann. Earlier today our Michael bought me a bottle of Emva Cream and I appear to be down to the dregs, so if there are a few grammatical and spelling errors, then you just will have to put up with it.
Firstly, I have to say that I have no experience of online dating whatsoever. It’s hardly surprising, as it had hardly taken off when I died in 1995, and even before that, I was not really interested in meeting men in that way. All my equipment was on the blink, and I was generally too ruddy tired for any of that malarky.
Having said that, from what I understand, online dating is as good as any other means for finding someone who might make you feel special.
However, most places where men and women get together are riddled with filthy so and sos, whether they be line dancing classes, beetle drives or internet sites. The fact is, and I mean this Ann, so pay attention… The fact is… In fact the golden rule is, that all men have the potential to be filthy so and sos. This fact is so true, it is such a rock solid given, that it should be a foundation of each and every one of your dealings with men, even down to the old fellow who says hello to you whilst he is walking the dog past you on your route to the corner shop. So when you meet a man, either en route to the corner shop, or at the line dancing class, or on an internet dating site, don’t ask yourself whether or not he is a filthy so and so… Ask yourself whether or not he is the sort of filthy so and so who you could tolerate.
And even if the answer to that question is “Yes” there are still a number of things that you really ought to do before you actually meet up with him in real life, without the protection of two internet capable devices and a vast expanse of cyberspace between you.
Firstly: Tell someone what you are doing… So that they can give the detectives something to go on when they are trying to find out who used and abused your body before some early morning dog walker discovered it in the undergrowth. (Possibly that self same dog walker referred to earlier)
Secondly: Leave his details online somewhere where the digital forensic team can find it. Obviously by the time they are involved it won’t be of any use to you, but it may help the dozens of other poor lasses he has in his sights.
And thirdly: Slip a soup spoon into the waistband of your tights before you set off. You never know when it might come in handy. He might even invite you back to his place for soup and be short of cutlery.
Whatever you decide, Ann, have fun, and remember, you have your Auntie Doris’s best wishes…
I hope that answers your question, Ann.

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