Auntie Doris’s New Years Revolutions #2 Make Friends and Influence People!


I have got more friends now that I am dead than I ever had when I was alive. This physical manifestation lark is great fun. I wish that I had got into it earlier. Never mind though, you are dead a ruddy long time, so I suppose that you can manifest yourself for a ruddy long time as well, as long as people are interested. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be one of those poor buggers who go around moaning, rattling their chains and walking through walls and stuff, with people having to ring up the vicar to come and get rid of you.

I like this Blogging lark as well. All I have to do is manifest myself through our Michaels fingers and he does the rest. Although why he has to wear tights while he does it, I don’t know. Then again, I don’t really care what he wears as long as he pours me a sherry before we get cracking.

So. You want to make friends and influence people, but you don’t want to die in order to do so, like I did. Well then, You could always learn yourself how to do the tarot cards. People always like having their fortunes told, and obviously whilst you are telling them, you can influence them all you fancy. It comes with the territory. I can teach you how to do the Tarot easy. Its a load of palaver anyway. Just read my guide to the Tarot on here every Sunday night and you will know how to do it backwards by this time next year… ish.

If you can’t wait that long, look back at the guide to the zodiac that I did earlier. Doing peoples horoscopes is equally alluring to potential friends and gives you just as much opportunity to influence them and meddle in their lives. It is also just as big a pile of horse shite as the tarot cards are. Same with teabag reading, feeling the lumps on people’s heads, or the crystal ball. You never thought there was any truth in any of it did you? Look at that Russell Grant or that Mystic Meg and tell me that they aren’t ridiculous twaddle mongers.

(If you are going to go in for the Crystal Ball though, make sure you have a good strong crystal ball bag. You don’t want to drop one of those on your laminate flooring. They shatter into a billion fragments and you can never walk around the house in bare feet again).

It’s all good fun, but do you really want to influence people that much?

Auntie’s alternative revolution: Why not settle for just making friends? Spend time with people, be nice, listen to what they have to say, and buy them a drink now and again. (I’m rather fond of sherry by the way).


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