Auntie Doris’s Twelve Days of Christmas. #6: Six Geese a Laying.



So, we get one (very profitable) day off with the gold rings and then it is back to our feathered friends again. Six geese a laying! That’s a ruddy Gaggle! What with all the calling birds and French hens and turtle doves and the Partridge an’ all we have now got sixteen birds in and around the house, and what with these geese being a-laying, it looks ruddy likely that there is going to be a few more in the spring. Yes, you could always try and take the eggs away and eat them, but that isn’t as easy as it sounds. Have you ever tried to take an egg off a mother goose? Vicious ruddy creatures they are, hissing and spitting and slapping their wings whenever you get anywhere near them. And they have teeth too. At least the edges of their beaks are all sharp and jagged, like the teeth on the edge of a saw. One of the nasty little beggars bit my Tuppence once. I was throwing some bits of bread for them near the park pond and a few bits fell, just near my Tuppence. The thing is that she wasn’t even interested in bread. She used to enjoy a bit of meat, but bread never did anything for her. I tried her with a French stick once, but the crusts chafed her poor little lips, so I never pursued it. Anyway, just because this morsel of mother’s pride was near her, this ruddy great goose shot its neck out and bit my Tuppence, right on the tip of her little button. It drew blood. I had to rub some ointment on it when I got home, and it was a few weeks before I felt confident taking my Tuppence out again after the shock of that. Poor little doggie. I have never been keen on geese from that day to this. So if anyone ever decided to give me six of the ruddy things for Christmas, they would feel the sharpness of my tongue, make no mistake. I would rather have the money, thank you very much. Then I could get myself something useful, such as some new knitting patterns. I think our Michael could do with some woolly undies. Perhaps they would keep him warm enough so he wouldn’t keep on having to borrow my tights. Then again, maybe not… Uncle Raymond’s Christmas Cracker Cackle of the Day: “She was only the Carol Singer’s Daughter, but she had my Ding Dong Merrily on High!”

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