Auntie Doris’s They Died Too Young #14: Rasputin: Died December 16th 1916, aged 47

Rasputin-e1379451027992The classic text on the life and Death of Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin, is the one written by The German academic Frank Farian for the musical group Boney M in 1978. The song clearly states what the world already knew. Rasputin was one of the filthiest so and sos in the latter days of Imperial Russia. “Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine.. It was a shame how he carried on” But despite the fact that he was an eight foot sex maniac with a massive beard and frightening piercing eyes, who dressed in filthy rags, never washed his hair and drank like a fish, he was a “very” close friend of Tsarina Alexandra, and through her influenced the Tsar himself in making all the important decisions. And because of that some rotten beggars decided to kill him, by inviting him to a party and putting poison in his wine. I used to put sleeping tablets in my Raymond’s Pale Ale now and again. Not for any real reason. I just wanted to see what would happen. Guess what happened…, he fall asleep, and I was able to crochet a few doilies without listening to him harping on. They put a ruddy sight more than a couple of sleeping tablets in Rasputin’s Pale Ale that night, but he never fell asleep. They gave him enough cyanide to kill a dozen horses and stood around making small talk and waiting for him to pop his clogs, but all he did was smack his lips and ask for another glass. So they went and got a gun and shot him. Twenty minutes later, Rasputin was laid out in a pool of blood on the floor and they were

discussing what to do with the body when he leapt up and tried to throttle one of them. He chased them out into the courtyard, before somebody managed to shoot him two more times, once in the head, and he dropped again. So they tied him up and throw him in the River Volga, or whatever River they had nearby. And that was that. Until the morning when his frozen dead body got washed up, and he had only managed to get half of the knots untied before he finally ruddy drownded. Anyway. Once Rasputin was out of the way, Karl Marks and John Lenin had the revolution and Communism was born. Here on the other side it is still a shame how Rasputin carries on. Once a filthy so and so, always a filthy so and so. That’s what I always say, and Rasputin ruddy proves it. You should have seen him when the Andrews Sisters died.

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