The Auntie Doris Years: 1913

Emily DavisonIt strikes me that if you want to vote in the next election, it is probably not the best idea to get yourself trampled to death by a horse that is in the middle of running the ruddy Derby. But that is what Emily Davidson did in 1913. If you are wondering, the horse was fine and got to the end of the race, but the jocky was badly for a good while afterwards. Poor beggar. Some people still reckon that she did it on purpose, but in fact all she was doing was trying to put a suffragette scarf around the horse’s neck. If ever anyone asks you to pull a silly stunt like that, tell them to get stuffed. Never mind how worthy the cause is. Personally I would favour getting my point across by smashing windows and post boxes or maybe even singing a punk rock song in a church whilst wearing a brightly coloured knitted balaclava. But maybe I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to smashing systems. Personally I am glad we had the suffragettes. I never wasted my vote, and I loved the song they did in “Mary Poppins” as well. Women ought to be more involved in politics. Most men are useless lumps anyway, slaves to their peccadilloes, and prone to accidentally hanging themselves with piano wire whilst wearing women’s undies, or doing the wrong sort of business in public lavatories. Filthy so and so’s. Not that I approved of that ruddy Thatcher. There was something up with her and that’s for sure. She had a cruel streak and once she had her knickers in a twist about something she wouldn’t let up. But one bad apple doesn’t necessarily spoil the bunch of bananas, and I quite liked that Barbara Castle. Anyway, sorry to get all political, but one last piece of advice to women who wonder what to do now that they have got the vote. Don’t make any decisions based on what you read in the Daily Mail. That is just men trying to tell you how to think. The only magazine worth reading for advice is the People’s Friend. And any politician who can look you in the eye and say that they are truly the People’s Friend is deservant of your vote.. As long as they enjoy romantic fiction featuring people of slightly more mature years, can speak informatively about knitting, crochet and simple recipe ideas, and share household tips such as how to remove copydex stains from the contents of your underwear drawer Doris’s Pop Pick of 1913: “Danny Boy” by Elsie Griffin. The original Danny Boy became a plumber in his native Scotland after hearing the pipes a calling from glen to glen and down the mountainside.

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