Auntie Doris’s Sexual Healing, featuring Marvin Gaye #10 Revenge of the Coffee Table Mr N.C. of Sheffield writes: “Since entering middle age, I have developed an overwhelming urge to respond to advertisements which are written on the inside of cubicle doors in public lavatories. Of course this is a private peccadillo and nobody’s business but my own. However the other day, whilst on a “business trip” down South I saw an advertisement in black marker pen inside a convenience on the A40 near Witney, Oxon. It offered a used IKEA glass coffee table for sale at a very reasonable price. It also mentioned the possibility of photographs of it “in use”. Being a man of the world, I telephoned the number to make enquiries. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by the voice of my boss on the other end of the line! Of course I ended the call immediately, and I don’t think it can be traced. My question is, do you think that I could use the knowledge of my boss’s little sideline to my own advantage. And if so… how?” Ohh Mr N.C. No. Such behavior would be evidence of a complete lack of moral integrity, and I cant imagine any decent job where that would be an advantage. Don’t go kidding yourself about being a “man of the world” when you inhabit the murky world of public lavatories. They are no places to do your business, even if you are desperate. No one is going to find glory in places like that, and don’t give me any nonsense about finding it through any little holes either. Clean your act up! There’s plenty other places to find advertisements for coffee tables. Have you tried the Sheffield Star? Or even the Rotherham Advertiser? You may not be the lowest of the low yet, but what with the company you are keeping, you can’t be far off. I would put as much distance between yourself and your boss and his ruddy coffee table as is humanly possible. You don’t want a boss like that, and you don’t want to be hanging around in public conveniences either.
Marvin Gaye’s Glistening Tip: the internet will provide you with a wealth of coffee table buying opportunities, and also the chance to meet up with people who are also keen on coffee tables, either locally, nationally or internationally. So, if you are into that sort of thing… happy hunting!