Auntie Doris’s Sexual Healing, featuring Marvin Gaye #9: Explosive intimacy!

FlossieMrs M.M of Basingstoke, Hampshire writes: “Dear Auntie Doris. Some days ago I wrote to you for advice regarding a delicate bedroom difficulty, involving my tendency to break wind during carnal relations with my husband. I took the advice offered and drank two litres of lemonade just before my pre bedtime aerobics session, during which I was convinced that I had trumped and belched so prodigiously that there could not possibly be the tiniest volume of gas left inside my body. I had a wee, and then took the extra precaution suggested by Mr Gaye, and fitted a Doc Johnson Plug to my back bottom, as a ‘belt and braces’ measure. Moments later, my husband and I were engaged in a vigorous session of intimacy which to my delight, seemed to be proceeding in complete silence but for the slight creaking of the bedsprings. I must have left the door ajar during my excitement to get the show on the road, as Flossie, our Irish Wolfhound quietly padded into the room and took position at the foot of the bed to get a better view of proceedings. At that point, I felt a rumbling deep in my tummy and a sudden spasm of pain as the plug shot out of my rear end like one of those rubber bullets that they used in the troubles. My husbands family jewels were severely bruised as the plug brushed them out of the way, before smashing poor Flossie’s head into the wardrobe. What with the my husband moaning semi conscious and moaning , and the dog yelping and leaping around, no-one seemed to notice that I was having the most intense and powerful orgyasm for as long as I can remember. Thank you Auntie Doris and Marvin, you have opened up the possibility of a whole new world of experience to me.” Well, Mrs M.M. I am happy to have helped in some small way. I hope your husband and dog are both on the mend, and that in the case of your husband, he can be persuaded to look as positively on the experience as you obviously do. Marvin Gaye’s Glistening Tip: perhaps your husband could wear some sort of pantie hose – tights if you will – to keep his precious treasures out of the trajectory of any devices utilized in future sessions. Good luck!

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