Auntie Doris’s They Died Too Young: #8 Lee Harvey Oswald. Died: 24th November 1963. Aged 24.


Poor old Lee Harvey Oswald. The day had started out so well. He had gone for a picnic at the Grassy Knoll with his sister Sammy Jo Oswald, his brother, Billy Bob Oswald, and his Grandpappy, Old Abner Oswald. Betty Lou Ruby, daughter of a local nightclub owner had come along, which was lovely, because Lee Harvey was awful sweet on her.
Whilst they were picnicking on grits, jell-o, root beer and other stuff that Americans enjoy filling their faces with, a commotion arose in the nearby street. A huge motorcade went past, at its centre, a huge open topped presidential limousine, containing none other than President Kennedy, and his wife Jackie, who would later go on to found a successful magazine for teenage girls in the UK.
At this point, Lee Harvey’s account becomes a little unclear. Obviously it was 50 years ago, and obviously he is now dead. But when I talked to him on the other side, he told me that he remembers hearing voices in his head telling him to go to the book depository over the road. He recalls this as odd, because he didn’t even know that there was a book depository there before that day, and he didn’t even have any books to deposit anyway. Next thing he knew was that everyone started shouting and someone told him that the president had split his head open. Poor soul ended up in prison, and before he knew what was happening, Betty Lou’s Dad had blasted him in the chest at point blank range.
They don’t do things by halves in America do they?
He had obviously been hypnotised by somebody out of the x-files and set up as patsy. This is ironic, because his Mother, Patsy Mae Oswald, had intended to accompany the picnickers that morning, but had stayed at home with toothache, having broken her lower left cuspid on a Hershey Bar. If it hadn’t have been for that unfortunate dental mishap, World peace could have been established by 1967.
Lee Harvey is great friends with President Kennedy other side. These days they spend their time trying to subtly influence events in the world to bring about peace, love and understanding. Of course, this it a tall order, but the next time that you unexpectedly encounter peace, love and understanding from someone, just think on. It could be the work of LH and JFK!
Lee Harvey’s advice to the living: A Grassy Knoll in uptown Dallas is not a good place for a picnic. Nowadays, there are a number of nature reserves, from Yellowstone National Park, to Cleethorpes seafront, where you can tuck in to an al fresco meal with very little chance of being accused of shooting the President

3 thoughts on “Auntie Doris’s They Died Too Young: #8 Lee Harvey Oswald. Died: 24th November 1963. Aged 24.

  1. I was five when all this went on, we watched Oswald get shot on the news. Here in the Sixties, we had two T.V. channels, whenever someone in The States got shot it was- Ma, the presidents dead again!! They always preempted Flipper or Walt Disney. Once even when Petula Clark was on! If you run into my old Ma on the other side, short, black coffee, cameo menthols, blue coat, tell her thanks for not sheilding us from assasinations and disapointments.

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