What would you do if you were a world famous rock star, at the peak of your powers, in a relationship with a beautiful film actress, with your mind bursting with ideas for songs not yet written, the world your oyster, when all of a sudden you break every bone in your body in a ruddy silly helicopter accident and are pronounced dead on the spot? What Paul McCartney did was make sure that the whole sorry mess was hushed up, and then take possession of someone else’s body, in much the same way as I regularly take possession of my nephew Michael’s body for my little manifestations. The difference is that I only manifest myself through our Michael every now and then, whereas Billy Shears has had to put up with Paul McCartney occupying his body on an almost permanent basis for the last 47 years. Still, I suppose he gets a lot of benefits out of the deal. All our Michael seems to get out of it is the opportunity to dress up in my tights. He seems to enjoy it though, bless him. But why he has to wear them just to type out my Facebook entries is a mystery to me. Anyway. McCartney thinks his continued career is hilarious. He took great pleasure in leaving those clues in his records and whatnot after 1966, but what makes him laugh the most is that the trick should be obvious to anyone who looks at the shape of his head. Paul had a little round head like a football, and Shears has a big cylindrical head like a gallon tin of paint. No amount of opening his eyes as wide as possible and waggling his head from side to side can disguise that fact, but nobody seems to care anyway. Paul doesn’t spend much time on the other side at all, some of us wonder what he will do when Billy Shears is called to glory. It wouldn’t surprise me if he just occupied somebody else’s body and kept going. He would have to give up the name though, and probably pick on somebody already established in the music business. Justin Bieber? Nobby Styles out of One Direction? Who knows?
But if she can, your Auntie Doris will keep you informed. Paul’s advice to the living: “Its wonderful to be here, it’s certainly a thrill. And you can stay down here forever, if you have the strength of will”