Auntie Doris’s They Died Too Young: #3 Rod Hull and Emu. Died: 17th March 1999. Age 63.

rod_hull_emu1Rodney Stephen Hull and his emu, Emu died in one of Britain’s worst do it yourself television ariel adjustment disasters in post war years. Whilst trying to get better reception for a football game between Manchester United and some foreign team, the pair fell of the roof, through a greenhouse, and broke both of their ruddy necks. Manchester United went on to draw the match 1-1 after Paul Scholes equalised in the 88th minute of extra time. After an extensive post-mortem examination, chief medical examiner, Quincy Jones, stunned the gathered gentlemen of the press by announcing that Hull had worn a prosthetic arm for much of his life, and that bone and tissue from his real right arm formed part of the body matter of Emu, who was bonded to him in a Siamese Twin-like manner. One can only imagine the torment his poor wife would have had to put up with, what with that ruddy grat clump of feathers pecking at her fancies every hour that God sent. My Raymond once had a go at being a Rod Hull style children’s entertainer. He made a puppet out of a pair of my old tights and an old cardigan (stuffed with several pairs of my old tights). However after his first show, an eighth birthday party at the local Church Hall, he was cautioned by the police for inappropriate touching of minors, and forced into early retirement. On the other side, Rod and his emu are now separated. Rod now lives with dead pop songstress Alma Cogan, and Emu spends his days with Peter “Len Fairclough” Adamson’s hand up his arse. Rod’s advice to the living: “Get a qualified engineer to make any adjustments to your TV ariel, or failing that, cover your greenhouse floor with mattresses.”

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