Auntie Doris’s They Died Too Young: #2 Bobby Moore. Died: 24th Febuary 1993. Age 51.


Just four years after becoming the most successful England football captain ever, Bobby Moore’s name suddenly became mud after being accused of stealing the World Cup, days before Mexico 70. Luckily his little dog, Pickles, got hold of it before formal charges could be lodged and handed it in to Rio de Janeiro police, claiming to have found it wrapped in newspaper at the foot of a statue of our Saviour. Indeed, if it hadn’t have been for his little canine companion, Moore could still be serving time in a South African prison, rather than being dead, with a commemorative stand and plaque at West Ham United’s Upton Park Ground (which has now been transformed into a carpet warehouse).
Bobby Moore was an old school footballer. He could drink seven or eight pints of Watneys Red Barrel of an evening and still turn out to play Blackpool in a cup tie the next day. Not like the cissies you get playing for England these days. The trouble with them is that they can’t hold their liquor any more than my Raymond could. All he had to do was so much as sniff a bottle of pale ale and he would be pittling the bed and neither use nor ornament for about three days afterwards. Same with Lampard, same with Gerrard, and that flaming Rooney… he’s even ruddy worse! How can people like that be expected to beat the likes of the French and Germans at Football?
Here on the other side, Bobby leads a quiet life, looking after his collection of stolen jewellery and nursing an extensive hangover.
Bobby’s advice to the living: “Take it on the chest and keep it down” (Filthy so and so!)

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