Auntie Doris’s They Died Too Young: #1 Jack “The Hat” McVitie. Died: 29th October 1967. Age unknown.

Jack the HatKnown as Jack “The Hat” to differentiate him from Jack “The Gloves” Peak-Frean, McVitie was given £10 by the Kray twins to procure Hob Nob biscuits for a function at the Blind Beggar public house in the East End of London. Unfortunately for him, the shop was out of Hob Nobs, so McVitie returned with Jaffa Cakes. As everyone knows, Jaffa Cakes are not even biscuits, therefore it was understandable when Reggie Kray, egged on by his brother Ronnie and cuddly carry on comedienne Barbara Windsor, repeatedly stabbed him to death in the head and neck. (Another public house in East London) My Raymond’s friend Albert tried to model himself on the Kray twins, (which was a bit stupid if you ask me, because there was only one of him). He tried running a protection racket on Knaggs the butcher, but he soon changed his mind when Knaggs took a meat cleaver to his sweetbreads. I was pleased to hear about that, as Knaggs always got me beef dripping, whereas all I ever got from Albert was a couple of dried ham flaps and a bruised royal gala. Anyway, Jack the Hat has settled down nicely on the other side now, and him and the Krays are the best of pals once again. To show that there’s no hard feelings, Ronnie occasionally lets him dip his ginger nuts into his morning coffee. Jack’s advice to the living: “With McVities Rich Tea Biscuits, little moments mean the most”

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