Auntie Doris’s Guide to the Zodiac #7. Taurus: 21st April – 21st May


It is never a good time for a Taurean to visit a China shop. Taurus, the sign of the bull, is the birth sign of hulking great clumsy oafs with short tempers and a tendency to have a complete paddywhacking tantrum and break things if they don’t get their own way. My advice to Taureans would be to get rid of all your crockery, and stick to plastic or paper cups and plates. Failing that, learn to count to ten and take deep breaths when you feel your dander rising. My Raymond used to claim that his dander was rising quite often, but it usually turned out to be a false alarm. I don’t believe his dander was capable of rising properly anyway. I think he must have been at the back of the queue when the good Lord was handing danders out. Not that it used to bother me too much. Women whose husbands have malformed danders tend to have things relatively easy. But every once in a while I would yearn for a man with a proper dander who could get it all the way up, like Richard Burton used to do with Elizabeth Taylor. But apparently that was all acting, in real life his dander was pretty pathetic. Shame really. Famous Taureans: John Mackenroe, Vinnie Jones, Rose West, Hitler, Basil Fawlty

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