Auntie Doris’s Guide to the Zodiac #4. Aquarius: 21st January – 19th February.

My Raymond was an Aquarius. Which is ironic really, because Aquarius is the sign of the water carrier, and he couldn’t hold his water for the life of him. It got so bad that he couldn’t be out of the house for more than five minutes. That was the end of his pools round. He used to collect all the coupons in the neighborhood. But by the end he was collecting the pools and leaving pools on people’s doorsteps whilst he did it. It got so bad that he couldn’t manage even if he was wearing rubber knickers. And if you ask me, he was a little bit too fond of those rubber knickers anyway. And I’m not at all convinced about him reckoning that you had to buy them in a set with a rubber bra. What would a grown man want with a rubber bra anyway? It used to leave marks under his arms. My advice to Aquarians is this. Don’t drink too much. And if you do, eat plenty of bread and sponge cake to soak it up with. If you don’t like eating lots of bread and sponge cake, you can stuff it in your knickers. Its better than getting caught short and embarrassing yourself. Famous Aquarians: Peewee Herman, His Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh, Young Mr Grace, Fern Britton, Mr Godfrey (out of Dad’s Army)

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